Have I just seen on the news that a man has set his own kids on fire in a house? How did we get here? How did he become so psychologically disturbed that he burnt his own kids? Wasn’t anyone watching and offering any help? What does he achieve now? Well, the list of questions would go on and on. But the main conclusion is that that man will become one disturbed person from now hence forth. The world is really turning a huge speed. Parents are supposed to make one feel secure and are supposed to ensure that their children are safe.

I can only imagine the conversation between the kids and the children before he locked them up and put them on fire. The children could have either been scared to death about the being locked up or they could have been playing innocently when they got locked up. Well, the man from Nyakach in Kisii County has left us wondering how widespread domestic violence is in our nation. He could attribute his actions to his father’s act of selling his piece of land, but that will not pass as an excuse. We all have disappointments in our lives from time to time, but do we usually go around burning others? No, we deal with our issues maturely and soberly. We find ways to resolve the issues and to gain our usual lives back.

Well, domestic violence can exist in many forms which include spousal abuse, battering, family violence or intimate partner violence (IPV), which is a pattern of behavior which involves the abuse by one partner against another in an intimate relationship such as marriage, cohabitation, dating or within the family. It can also be done in many ways which includes physical aggression or assault that is hitting, kicking, biting, shoving, restraining, slapping, throwing objects, battery, or verbal threats thereof; sexual abuse, emotional abuse, controlling or domineering, intimidation, stalking, passive/covert abuse like in neglect. and economic deprivation. Domestic violence is becoming a problem in our society and should be addressed not only by the law enforcers but also by the people within the society, the church or mosques and by our leaders in the society.

A preacher once said to his congregation, where I was among, “That nowadays responsible men do not beat a woman the battle of physical kicks, men nowadays beat women in the battle of the mind. Women are witty and always active and hence for a man to be able to work out issues within his family, he should think of ideas to please his woman before discussing issues that they are facing. A happy person will not quarrel or engage in abuse and wrangles.”  Therefore from the preacher’s perspective, one should work towards a happy family for domestic abuse to be resolved once and for all.

This means that Kenyans should strive to stay away from drugs and alcohol which are mostly the main causes of this menace. Mental illiness is also a major other cause of domestic violence. Most people especially men, never want to give in that they are under too much presure and to seek professional help. They usually never wish to be seen as weak. Women on the other hand might be having psychological problems but their family and themselves are not aware which leads to continued violence and abuse in their family. There should be awareness creation in the nation for people to be aware of themselves and their health. Mental stability is a crucial aspect in families and when it is observed, the cases of abuse will drastically reduced.

On another perspective, people should take time to know their spouses well. I am of the opinion that probably this case of the man burning his children could have been avoided. If one becomes aware of particular alarming aspects of their spouses early enough, one can avoid the consequences that follow. A victim of domestic violence on family tv the other day narrated her ordeal. She said, “I had noticed some behaviors with my ex-husband earlier on during our first two years of our marriage. He would pinch me sometimes. The painful pinch not the playful ones. I never thought that was anything too scary. They however progressed to slaps when he was angry which he would later apologize for. He even once told my own son to beat me. Yes, that’s what I have said. I had beaten my son because of just misbehaving and as you know children, he reported to the dad. But instead of supporting me, he asked my son to beat me. My son did not because he knew I was the one to do the discipline in our home. But he continued forcing my son to beat me. When he left, my son was left scared and crying. I comforted him and went on with life. The one day, five years into our marriage, when I decided that I had had enough is when we had a quarrel. He started beating me. I made some advances to beat him but as you know he is a man, so he defeated me. He was banging my head on the ground when I looked at my children and asked God to let me not die today. I was rescued by neighbors and I left him.”

This victim of domestic violence wished she had acted earlier. She wished she could have decided to leave earlier from that abusive marriage. She however had the fear of what the society would say about her, the names she would be called, she wanted her marriage to work and she just had stayed for her children’s sake. As we learn from her story, we should encourage the people who come forward of domestic violence. They have to deal with the shame before getting the courage to face the people in the society and accepting that they are victims of abuse.

Another case in Kenya involve where a man has differences with his wife and ends up burning himself, the wife and the Kids. It’s becoming more of a trend, which our society should start condemning and discouraging. Such behaviour is a cowardice action and anyone planning to engage in it, should just stop. God gives life and so no one should have authority to take it from anyone including himself.

Domestic violence and abuse is not limited to obvious physical violence. Domestic violence can also mean endangerment, criminal coercion, kidnapping, unlawful imprisonment, trespassing, harrassment, and stalking.

When we put on the television we see daily a case or two on domestic violence that sometimes results in death of children or even spouses. We ask ourselves what is ailing our country Kenya especially rural Kenyans as its where most cases are coming from. We badly need a solution to this menace. Firstly, one would be education in the villages so people know when things are getting out of hand before it’s too late. Secondly, having psychiatrists closer home for example in dispensaries so they are easily accessible could resolve this menace.

Article source: https://www.zakenya.com/Health-and-Fitness/18-ONE-WONDERS-WHY-A-MAN-WOULD-BURN-HIS-OWN-KIDS.html